Father Joe goes on to explain that he’s also had “a passion in my heart from the beginning” about what to say to someone who has experienced a loss. “No one’s coached us very often about what to say, and so we say things that aren’t helpful at all, such as ‘I know exactly how you feel,’ or we give some religious cliché that sounds as though God sent the suffering.”

As a result of this exploration of how to act with and what to say to the grieving, Father Joe produced an eight-part videocassette series directed to children who were grieving and to those who love them. He followed this project with a series directed to adults and older teens and eventually wrote a book, all of which address the grief experienced by people and how others can respond.

During one taping session, a teenager whose sister had died was being interviewed. Father Joe relates how the teen talked about how his dad wouldn’t say much, how his mom cried a lot, how his sister…“My sister, she feels this way…and…”

The teen went on to talk about how he was dealing with his own grief. Finally, the young man looked directly at the camera and said, “I guess no one cries the wrong way.” The teen’s insight became the title of both the video series and the book, No One Cries the Wrong Way: Seeing God Through Tears.

Early in his priestly ministry, Father Joe discovered he possessed what he calls a knack for relating to children. “Perhaps it’s because my intellectual peer group is about age seven or eight,” he jokes. Nevertheless, when he met Big Al during the taping of the children’s version of No One Cries the Wrong Way, it seemed natural that the two of them should continue to work together. The relationship has endured.

Strangers might describe Big Al as a puppet. But as Father Joe’s grin widens, he puts his finger to his mouth in a “Shh” gesture. “Big Al thinks he’s real,” the priest whispers. Children, too, consider Big Al real. When one youngster cried because someone had told him that Big Al wasn’t “real,” Father Joe gently explained that there are many kinds of real. Father Joe affectionately refers to Big Al as his “ole buddy” and friend.

Though full of energy, when Father Joe talks about the life-giving love of God, his words are measured and thoughtful. And though he talks with his hands, during his homilies those large hands reverently convey the inclusiveness of God’s love. He is entertaining, but he’s not about

entertainment—not even when he brings out Big Al after Communion each Sunday to talk especially to children about the Gospel of the day.
Big Al, who doesn’t always “get it” about God’s message, speaks not only to the hearts of the children present but also to the adults and teens. Everyone, children and adults alike, straightens up in the pews as Big Al emerges from his special box. He has proved to be not only a faithful friend but also a great ally in spreading the Good News.