I’m so much like my dad. It’s taken me years to realize this. Until now, I thought we were different. My dad was in the Army; he believes we’re supposed to do what we’re told. I’ve always needed to ask questions. It used to drive my parents crazy.

My dad was always fixing things around the house, and when he didn’t have anything to fix, he’d build stuff. The only time I’ve ever picked up a hammer was to hang a picture—and then my dad had to fix the mess I’d made. Even at the young age of seven , I thought I should go to college because I knew I wouldn’t make it in my dad’s world.

My brothers are a lot like my dad. Both of them are handy around the house. But even better, in my estimate, is their dedication to their wives and children. Like my dad, they are great husbands and fathers. I admire the way all three have given their lives to their families. They don’t ask much but expect to give a lot.

On occasions when I visit my parents, my dad and I play cribbage. It doesn’t matter who wins or loses; we simply enjoy the ebb and flow of luck and skill. Once after we’d played seven straight games, Dad said, “I’m happy I taught you kids that winning isn’t important.” And he did teach us that. Playing cribbage is simply spending an enjoyable time together.

My dad has “rubbed off” on me in other ways too. Some of my cherished values mirror his values. Loyalty, for example, is important to me because my dad is very loyal. And I hope I’ve learned to treat people as fairly and respectfully as he does. He gives full attention to whomever he is with.

Having the values and habits of our parents rub off on us is a natural result of living together in the intimacy of a family. So we shouldn’t be surprised when the Father of our spiritual family “rubs off” on us. Jesus taught us to begin our prayer with “Our Father.” He clearly meant for God to rub off on us. Prayer is simply choosing to let that happen.

Pray as you are

There is no “right” way to pray. We simply need to find ways that are comfortable for us and that fit our personality. The greatest hindrance to prayer is our expectations about what a prayerful person should be. God accepts us just as we are—not who we want to be or think we should be. When we come to God just as we are, we’ve let God rub off on us.

Jesus cautions, “Whenever you pray do not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, so that they may be seen by others” (Mt 6:5). Rather, he encourages us to go to our inner room where we are truly ourself, and there we can pray. Jesus knows our innermost self well. This is why he felt so much more at home with tax collectors, sinners, and children. They had little to lose and no need to hide. Sometimes we become so intent on giving the right impression that we forget who we really are—who God loves us to be.

Jesus teaches that when we get beyond who we think we should be to our true self, we connect with God. Indeed, he made “love of self” central to his wisdom. To the lawyer who tried to trap him by asking, “Which commandment in the law is the greatest?” Jesus replied, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself’?” (Mt 22:36–39).