April 2015
Think About These…
In the midst of darkness, Jesus is still the light.
You don’t need collateral to borrow trouble.
God gives us a face but we must choose the expression.
Don’t worry about tomorrow. You did that yesterday.”
Sign in a Pennsylvania cemetery: “Persons are prohibited from picking flowers except from their own graves.”—©Joyful Noiseletter.com
Wisdom comes with age, which probably explains the lack of elderly bungee jumpers.
A local paper held a pun contest, and one man sent in ten different puns, hoping one would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you criticize him, you’re a mile away and have his shoes.
I must be following my diet too closely. I keep gaining on it.
It’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
There are three kinds of people in this world: those who can count and those who can’t.
The Scientific Account
A research team proceeded toward the apex of a natural geologic protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified. One member of the team precipitously descended, sustaining severe damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical structure; subsequently the second member of the team performed a self-rotational translation oriented in the same direction taken by the first team member.
Translation: Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.
Filling the Toolbox
A person needs only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use WD-40; if it moves and shouldn’t, use the tape.
All in a Day’s Work
Fresh out of high school, I found a job cleaning the elegant home of an older couple. Among other things, I had to dust their many imported carvings and petrified collectibles, as well as pick up after their pets. One day I was astonished to find two ivory fossils lying on the floor beside the bookcase. I quickly picked them up, dusted them, and returned them to the shelf. I was shocked when the same thing happened the following week. Again, I picked up the ivory fossils and returned them to the shelf. Shortly after, my employer came into the family room, her faithful dog behind her. Looking around, she eyed thew bookcase. “Fluffy,” she asked the dog, “how in the world do you keep getting your bones up there?”
Faction: I read recipes the same way I read science fiction: I get to the end and I think, “Well, that’s not going to happen.”
A Living Travelogue
Some people try to turn back their personal “odometers.” Not me. I want people to know why I look like this: I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved.
