July-August 2014

Editor’s note: Readers submitted the following content.

Points to Ponder

• When I was young, it would be so quiet in church that you could hear a sin drop!

• A young boy was scolded by his mother for having his fingers in the butter—“Jimmy! What did I say I’d do if I caught you with your fingers in the butter again?” Jimmy replied, “That’s funny, Mom. I can’t remember, either.”

• What do you get from an invisible cow? Evaporated milk!

• A circus lion won’t eat clowns because they taste funny.

• What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire.

• Two robbers with clubs went golfing, but they didn’t play the fairway.

• If you think about it, all the “red tape” of receiving a government grant makes sense. You have to fill out many government forms because there are many forms of government.

• A guy nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre in Paris. But he was captured two blocks away when his lorry ran out of gas. In response to how he could mastermind such a crime yet make such an obvious mistake, he said: “I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.”

• What did the sign on the toy store window say? “Don’t feed the animals—they’re already stuffed.”

• An investment counselor decided to venture out on her own and realized she might need in-house counsel, so she began to interview lawyers.  While interviewing her first applicant, she stressed the importance of integrity  and made her intent clear. “Mr. Mayberry, are you an honest lawyer?” she asked. The lawyer replied, “I can certainly speak to honesty. I’m so honest that when my father lent me $15,000 to complete my education, I paid back every penny immediately after I tried my first case.” Impressed, she implored, “What type of case was it?” The lawyer squirmed in his seat and then finally admitted, “He sued me for the money.”